The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset