Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
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foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"