I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"