he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?