No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything