Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Wisconsin (262)

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night

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  (262): Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night http://tfl.nu/r3zi
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  I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair

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  (262): I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair http://tfl.nu/3k67
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  I thought you were single?

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  I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.

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  (262): I thought you were single? (1-262): I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick. http://tfl.nu/pt5v
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  You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose

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  (262): You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose http://tfl.nu/d8zc
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  Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon

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  That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months

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  (262): Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon (1-262): That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months http://tfl.nu/99ql
  Replies (1) Good night (1451) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
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  Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.

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  (262): Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy. http://tfl.nu/dejh
  Replies (7) Good night (1625) Bad night (751)
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  I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home

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  (262): I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home http://tfl.nu/e4lh
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.

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  (262): I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole. http://tfl.nu/sdc1
  Replies (9) Good night (1684) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
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  I am too young to be this hungover

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?

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  (608): I am too young to be this hungover (262): Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th? http://tfl.nu/yoe0
  Replies (5) Good night (586) Bad night (958)
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  Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.

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  (262): Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI. http://tfl.nu/aihj
  Replies (3) Good night (736) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago

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  (262): Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago http://tfl.nu/39ul
  Replies (3) Good night (1761) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.

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  (262): But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK. http://tfl.nu/jmv1
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.

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  I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.

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  (262): Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward. (262): I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win. http://tfl.nu/2vvo
  Replies (18) Good night (624) Bad night (1583)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.

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  (262): just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard. http://tfl.nu/jn37
  Replies (11) Good night (2123) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Do you want cuervo gold or silver?

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  (847): Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight? (262): Do you want cuervo gold or silver? http://tfl.nu/7twk
  Replies (11) Good night (3086) Bad night (490)