I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.