My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.