We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers