We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"