I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.