she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet