He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.