I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights