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i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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