Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (952)

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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.

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  (952): I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler. http://tfl.nu/21hn
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  history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

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  (952): history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/1q62
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  Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night

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  (952): Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night http://tfl.nu/i23x
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  Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?

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  (952): Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed? http://tfl.nu/137p
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  Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.

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  I wish i was spraying into your jaw.

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  (952): Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw. (612): I wish i was spraying into your jaw. http://tfl.nu/v3tm
  Replies (12) Good night (2759) Bad night (741)
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  I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak

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  (952): I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak http://tfl.nu/wxhv
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  I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now

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  (952): I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now http://tfl.nu/4ogy
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  I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

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  (952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/qw9z
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  Why are you covered in frosting?

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  Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

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  (952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct
  Replies (24) Good night (6036) Bad night (667)
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  I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night

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  (952): I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night http://tfl.nu/yysc
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  dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up

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  (952): dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up http://tfl.nu/bpgv
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  Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.

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  (952): Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me. http://tfl.nu/t30r
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  Sacagawea was the original milf.

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  (952): Sacagawea was the original milf. http://tfl.nu/8vpz
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  So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building

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  (952): So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building http://tfl.nu/qsqb
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  Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th

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  (952): Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th http://tfl.nu/jcqw
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