...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing