Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
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She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.