Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....