This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place