P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.