I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My bed is full of blood and feathers