did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation