You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet