The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.