The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.