The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.