They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
He passed out mid-signature
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again