Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
Dating After Heartbreak
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy