Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't deserve a penis
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go