So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't deserve a penis
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.