Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?