in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.