With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't deserve a penis