Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (626)

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  (626): View more from California

  she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song

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  (626): she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song http://tfl.nu/tlf6
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  My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".

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  (626): My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today". http://tfl.nu/jga5
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  it was like eating out sand paper

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  (626): it was like eating out sand paper http://tfl.nu/u8qd
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  dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks

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  well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person

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  (818): dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks (626): well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person http://tfl.nu/xqyj
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  i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

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  (626): i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner. http://tfl.nu/vo3h
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  Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.

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  (626): Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong. http://tfl.nu/y718
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  Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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  (626): Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/higf
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  Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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  (626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr
  Replies (16) Good night (4007) Bad night (449)
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  and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.

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  (626): and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name. http://tfl.nu/n8x4
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  What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"

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  (626): What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?" http://tfl.nu/e6g5
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  What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?

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  You have mice?

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  no why?

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  (626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans? (1-626): You have mice? (626): no why? http://tfl.nu/7zgo
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  I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards

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  (626): I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards http://tfl.nu/kggv
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  I bet he comes in French.

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  (626): I bet he comes in French. http://tfl.nu/k7nd
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  i need an iv and a liver transplant

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  (626): i need an iv and a liver transplant http://tfl.nu/lbut
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  don't go home with that guy from jersey

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  i know, not worth the blood test

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  (323): don't go home with that guy from jersey (626): i know, not worth the blood test http://tfl.nu/va7v
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