I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dignity is for republicans.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.