he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Dignity is for republicans.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.