You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.