One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.