Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dignity is for republicans.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life