I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.