you didnt know i had herpes?
it was like eating out sand paper
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.