I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
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AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking