My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king