Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?