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Last Night in Virginia (571)

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So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

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(571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets

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Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..

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this can't be going anywhere good

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nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\

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(571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah.. (703): this can't be going anywhere good (571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\ http://tfl.nu/4i13

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I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.

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(571): I seriously fake cumming more than i poop. http://tfl.nu/kwns

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i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

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so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

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yup.

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(571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq

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the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets

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(571): the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets http://tfl.nu/d1l9

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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like

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(571): On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like http://tfl.nu/th56

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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.

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(571): I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub. http://tfl.nu/fw5s

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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things

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(571): i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things http://tfl.nu/ommx

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She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.

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(571): She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that. http://tfl.nu/q72a

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We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."

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(571): We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants." http://tfl.nu/wjgr

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there were more penises there than on chat roulette

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(571): there were more penises there than on chat roulette http://tfl.nu/5x41

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i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days

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(571): i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days http://tfl.nu/w4vm

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Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

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was that a mass text??

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(804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791

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dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest

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(571): dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest http://tfl.nu/nou3

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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack

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(571): It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack http://tfl.nu/ebu7

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Last Night in Virginia (571)

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