non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.