My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero