You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.