Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.