I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dating After Heartbreak
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.