The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.