I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.