omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.