I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.