Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.