a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.