Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.