I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!