He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family