Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (201)

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.

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  (201): In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye. http://tfl.nu/tv9w
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  Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?

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  (201): Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend? http://tfl.nu/zwy0
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  she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested

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  (201): she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested http://tfl.nu/bnqm
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  Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico

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  (201): Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico http://tfl.nu/pgpo
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  We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.

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  (201): We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two. http://tfl.nu/ib5v
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  He's cheating on her.

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  Are you sure it wasn't her?

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  I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.

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  (201): He's cheating on her. (973): Are you sure it wasn't her? (201): I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her. http://tfl.nu/sbt9
  Replies (6) Good night (1007) Bad night (594)
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  surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser

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  (201): surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser http://tfl.nu/4p89
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  You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.

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  (201): You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME. http://tfl.nu/tcyr
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  i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed

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  so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday

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  (412): i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed (201): so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday http://tfl.nu/f6fd
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  U took a sewing needle to his nipple

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  Psshh,

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  (201): U took a sewing needle to his nipple (1-201): Psshh, http://tfl.nu/q54n
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  I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.

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  I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.

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  (201): I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world. (540): I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him. http://tfl.nu/0ulc
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  My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.

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  (201): My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf. http://tfl.nu/v6hn
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  I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.

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  (201): I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free. http://tfl.nu/mbnk
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  I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.

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  (201): I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed. http://tfl.nu/jlau
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  I stole a fireplace last night.

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  (201): I stole a fireplace last night. http://tfl.nu/uv7e
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