Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?