Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (201)

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.

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  (201): He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/ws8z
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  It was pathetic and I was covered in butter

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  (201): It was pathetic and I was covered in butter http://tfl.nu/w2vb
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  Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?

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  (201): Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs? http://tfl.nu/s4vs
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  So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...

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  (201): So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone... http://tfl.nu/fbxy
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  what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.

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  (201): what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT. http://tfl.nu/yb4q
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  Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.

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  (201): Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that. http://tfl.nu/wq84
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  We still going to Happy Hour

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  Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up

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  (267): We still going to Happy Hour (201): Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up http://tfl.nu/e38y
  Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (1046)
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  I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...

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  (201): I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy... http://tfl.nu/nlco
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  Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.

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  (201): Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it. http://tfl.nu/ciee
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  After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"

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  (201): After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph" http://tfl.nu/ju46
  Replies (31) Good night (2597) Bad night (1687)
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  There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment

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  (201): There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment http://tfl.nu/jnnd
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  Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.

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  (201): Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium. http://tfl.nu/lfpo
  Replies (11) Good night (4517) Bad night (618)
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  I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.

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  (201): I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay. http://tfl.nu/g3mb
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  No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.

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  You're a rent hooker.

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  (201): No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both. (1-201): You're a rent hooker. http://tfl.nu/wbsz
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  There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.

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  (201): There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now. http://tfl.nu/urj5
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