No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If you need anything just hit me up
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.