I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you need anything just hit me up
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....