You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian