I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him