I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...