Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR