If I had your ass I would rule the world
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.