SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair