You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons