it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire