it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
your room smells of hookers.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.