I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference