you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What's dad's email?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him