Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
What's dad's email?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped