What's dad's email?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.