Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (951)

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  (951): View more from California

  Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.

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  (951): Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other. http://tfl.nu/32su
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  I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.

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  (951): I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad. http://tfl.nu/nyqb
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  It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.

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  (951): It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle. http://tfl.nu/s5be
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  I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.

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  (951): I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here. http://tfl.nu/bc0s
  Replies (4) Good night (1000) Bad night (1979)
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  At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?

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  (951): At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate? http://tfl.nu/y4sj
  Replies (18) Good night (4679) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
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  apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.

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  (951): apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex. http://tfl.nu/6011
  Replies (10) Good night (2037) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.

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  (951): Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials. http://tfl.nu/ieds
  Replies (4) Good night (2795) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
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  Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants

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  (951): Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants http://tfl.nu/uwlg
  Replies (8) Good night (3039) Bad night (608)
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  His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format

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  (951): His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format http://tfl.nu/g7e8
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  We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.

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  (951): We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie. http://tfl.nu/3rqj
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  Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries

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  (951): Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries http://tfl.nu/sog5
  Replies (15) Good night (1759) Bad night (3604) Order T-Shirt
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  I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

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  (951): I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved http://tfl.nu/ox8t
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  All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.

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  (951): All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants. http://tfl.nu/xx9d
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  she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.

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  (951): she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked. http://tfl.nu/fnf4
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  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

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  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10077) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt